Open mike night as a hummus drug addict

June 16, 2010

Yeah I can’t get enough of hummus.  So because I’m a hummus addict at this point, I decided to do the comedy open mike deed about it.  The following is the basic gyst of what I said: 

I have a confession to make.  For the past 4 years I have been a drug addict.  Now it’s becoming a pretty common drug in America and has been common in the Middle East for many centuries. Yes, I am addicted to hummus.  I had my last hit less than 24 hours ago.  I need to get it out you see because I know you’ll be supportive. I need to just say it.  Ok *breath* I am a hummus addict.  I really didn’t think it would happen to me.  Hummus addictions happen to Middle Easterners or really hippie/bohemian people.  They don’t happen to innocent Quaker girls.  I really didn’t think it was serious when I grabbed for the chickpeas every day.  I just told myself they had protein, iron, and tons of other nutrients that are really quite good for me. 

But then I learned that chickpeas when eaten in large quantities can cause something called ergoism.  The symptoms of this disease are spasms, convulsions, and even mental illness.  Wow, I thought, why is this happening to me? I was already pretty messed up before I discovered hummus and chickpeas; why didn’t I just eat more fruit or vegetables or milk?  Why did I become addicted to the one substance that could become my demise?

I thought I was safe to fall for a bean. If I was addicted to lentils, black beans, pinto beans, or even fava beans it would be ok because they’re not as Americanized as hummus. But chickpeas are the devil I tell you! Because once you turn them into that creamy spread, all hell breaks loose.  Thank you.


2 Responses to “Open mike night as a hummus drug addict”

  1. Buster Says:

    I read a lot of interesting articles here. Probably you spend a lot of time writing, i know how to save
    you a lot of time, there is an online tool that creates high quality,
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    • hummusgirl Says:

      Hi thanks for reading! I do spend some time writing, but more time reading and researching and cooking. And thinking, lots of thinking. Thanks for the suggestion but would it be plagiarizing? I want to have my personal views known because I spend a lot of time thinking them through. Thanks, and have a good day, Joan, hummusgirl

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